How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen

Let me start with a confession: I picked up the book How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen hoping it would come with a magic spell to make my toddler put on pants. It didn’t. But it did give me a few sanity-saving tools that I now keep in my mental diaper bag right next to "deep breathing" and "secret chocolate stash."

Written by Joanna Faber and Julie King , this book is basically the real-world survival guide for talking to kids aged 2–7 without losing your mind—or your voice.

Here’s what I loved, what I actually use, and what made me laugh-cry because I saw myself in it way too much.

What It’s All About

The book is filled with scripts, scenarios, cartoons (yessss), and practical tools to help us get through the daily standoffs—like when your kid is lying face-down in the parking lot because you gave them the blue cup instead of the red one.

It’s not preachy or theoretical. It’s like sitting next to a wise mom friend who hands you a juice box (for the kid) and a glass of wine (for you) and says, “Here’s what’s worked for me.”

Tools That Actually Work (Yes, Even Mid-Tantrum)

1. Acknowledge Feelings First
Instead of saying, “You’re fine, it’s just a scrape,” try “Ouch! That must’ve really hurt.”
I tried this with my daughter and she looked at me like I’d just handed her a new doll. Apparently, being understood is powerful—even for tiny people with yogurt on their face.

2. Say it with a Note
A sticky note on the bathroom mirror that says, “Please feed me! –Your toothbrush” actually got my 5-year-old to brush his teeth. Once. But still.

3. Offer Choices
Instead of “Get dressed now!” try “Do you want the teddy bear shirt or the cherry shirt?”
Yes, you’re still manipulating them. No, I do not feel bad about it.

4. Turn it into a Game
Clean-up races, pajama challenges, or pretending the laundry hamper is a hungry monster are now part of our daily routine. My house still looks like a Lego explosion—but a slightly more joyful one.

What Didn’t Work for Me

Some of the scripts felt a little too... wholesome. There’s a scenario where a mom calmly tells her child, “You’re very upset that I said no to candy. It’s hard to wait until after dinner.”
Meanwhile, I’m over here muttering “We’re never going to Target again” while dragging a sobbing child out of the snack aisle.

Progress, not perfection, right?

My Biggest Takeaway

Kids want to feel seen and heard—just like we do. And while I’ll probably never remember every calm phrase in the book word-for-word, just shifting my tone and tuning in to their little big feelings has already made a difference. I yell slightly less. They listen slightly more. I call that a win.

Should You Read It?

Yes. Especially if your days involve a lot of phrases like:

• “Why are your shoes in the freezer?”

• “We don’t lick the shopping cart.”

• “Because I said so, that’s why.”

It’s helpful, digestible, and written with empathy for both the child and the parent. Plus, you can totally skim it and still get the goods.